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My dog has a new squeaky toy, and it’s so loud that she squeaked it and scared herself.
If only I had caught it on tape. Damn.
Things my dog thinks are okay:
I keep sneezing and scaring the shit out of my dog. Poor thing. She just wants to sleep on my cosy blankets.
I think my dog just threw herself onto the ground in a fit of pique or something because she very nearly faceplanted and now she’s just whining.
My dog is a manipulative bitch.
I kicked her out of my room for being irritating, and so a little while later I figured she must’ve calmed down by now, so I open the door. And sure enough, there she is, laying on the floor mat outside my door. So I’m like, “You cool, now? Wanna come in and hang out?”
But then she gets up all slow. And she’s shaking. And she’s barely lifting her head. And she’s acting SICK.
So I start freaking out and petting her and making sure she’s okay. At this point, I’m convinced that a snake snuck into the house and attacked her but she didn’t make any noise because that’s how she is, and now she’s just—it was—I was fairly certain it was a bad situation.
But then I thought, “No, I would’ve heard her if something had gone wrong.”
So I went, “Hmm. Okay. Do you…have to go outside?”
And her eyes suddenly sparkle and she looks at me all innocently, and she sort of stiffens. Like she’s trying to contain her excitement.
I ask again if she wants to go outside and she fucking jumps out of my arms and starts spinning around like a goddamn top or something.
So basically what she did? (and she totally fucking planned this out)
My dog is a bitch.
In the literal sense, yes, she’s female. And also of the poodle persuasion.
But I mean she’s cruel and inconsiderate and generally likes to make me suffer.
Recently? It’s been rolling around in pollen, dragging it in the house, and then laying in my bed and refusing to move. Like right now. Up by my pillows. And she WON’T MOVE. Covered in pollen and I just—
What does she think I’ve been emptying tissue boxes all day for? FUN?! No, you stupid creature! Thanks to you (and Arizona, really, just in general, for its goddamned weather, which I’ll blame on everyone else) and all of the pollen you bring in and carry about, I’m SICK. With another damned ALLERGY COLD.
Allergy cold: A virus brought on by excessively ridiculous allergic reactions to EVERYTHING. These reactions eventually reach a point where they top out and plateau, making it feel like a real virus. Or, alternately, they get so bad and make me so congested, that I become so susceptible to actual viruses, that ten take over my body all at once. In one go. In one fucking day.
I get sick at THE most inconvenient times. If there’s anything I can count on, it’s this.
It’s not even stress or lack of vitamins that’s made me sick this time! Well, actually, it definitely could have something to do with that. Being injured and not able to exercise as much as I would’ve liked. And stress making me do things…and I just…
Fuck. Okay. So it’s not all her fault. Whatever.
I’m still going to try my best to throw her to the end of the bed.
Just sneezed and woke my dog up again.
She irritates me constantly, hogs the bed, whines all the time, bothers my allergies—and yet I feel awful for sneezing (something I can’t exactly control) and waking her up.
You’d think after all this time she’d be able to sleep through it.
She certainly sleeps through my kicking her to get her down to the end of the bed. Or maybe she’s just faking when I do that. -.-