My dog is a manipulative bitch.
I kicked her out of my room for being irritating, and so a little while later I figured she must’ve calmed down by now, so I open the door. And sure enough, there she is, laying on the floor mat outside my door. So I’m like, “You cool, now? Wanna come in and hang out?”
But then she gets up all slow. And she’s shaking. And she’s barely lifting her head. And she’s acting SICK.
So I start freaking out and petting her and making sure she’s okay. At this point, I’m convinced that a snake snuck into the house and attacked her but she didn’t make any noise because that’s how she is, and now she’s just—it was—I was fairly certain it was a bad situation.
But then I thought, “No, I would’ve heard her if something had gone wrong.”
So I went, “Hmm. Okay. Do you…have to go outside?”
And her eyes suddenly sparkle and she looks at me all innocently, and she sort of stiffens. Like she’s trying to contain her excitement.
I ask again if she wants to go outside and she fucking jumps out of my arms and starts spinning around like a goddamn top or something.
So basically what she did? (and she totally fucking planned this out)
- Lay in front of her door until she feels guilty and lets me back in.
- When she opens the door, pretend to be sick.
- Pretending to be sick will make her feel REALLY guilty and worried.
- And also she’ll give me a lot of attention. Like sitting on the floor and cooing over me and petting me and stuff.
- Eventually when she gets it, she’ll let me outside.
- She’ll be mad enough that I can stay out for a while.
- But still guilty enough to give me extra water and lay my blankets back on my end of the bed so I no longer fall down the side of the mattress.